I originally wrote and shared this post in May, during Mental Health Awareness month. It is a somewhat vulnerable post, because while it is not something easy to share, there is something powerful about when others can read and hear stories that make the shame go away and make the loneliness disappear- to hear others are with you, others understand, others care, and there is hope.
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Trauma taught me that I am unworthy
Trauma taught me that nothing will ever get easier
Trauma taught me no will ever understand me
Trauma taught me that I deserve the pain
Trauma taught me that I can’t handle hard times
Trauma told me life will never get better
Trauma taught me that my voice and my needs are not important
Trauma said I’m too messed up, too broken for success or happiness
It told me that no one could truly love me and no one would miss me if I was gone
BUT
Do you know what God taught me?
God taught me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made
He said I will never leave you, you are my treasure
Jesus said I died for you, I gave my life for you to be with me in heaven
My mom taught me strength and courage to move forward and lean into Him
My grandparents taught me love and relationship is possible in its purest form, founded in Him
My siblings taught me resiliency and new beginnings and limitless outcomes for my future
My youth pastors taught me I am worth investing in
My sixth grade teacher taught me I was smart and capable
My tennis coach taught me to show up, work hard to be my best
A childhood best friend taught me I can be a good mom
Another best friend taught me your family and support system is what you create for yourself
A friend from college taught me to keep pushing forward
My co-workers and job taught me that serving others also helps lift you up, we are in this together
Another person taught me that I am allowed to pick me
An old friend taught me that it is okay to ask for help
And also taught me self care
A spiritual mentor taught me how to seek His word
My husband taught me that even on my hardest days, I am worthy of love for who I am and my pain is not too heavy to handle
My children taught me that I create this life now, and it is beautiful and wonderful and worth living
I taught me that I am a survivor, but not without the people above and countless others
You are not alone
You need community
You need God
A community wants to welcome you in and help you heal
God wants to hold your pain
It takes one step. A prayer. A scripture. A crisis line. A friend. A teacher.
Let them show you that everything trauma taught you was a lie.
You’ve got this.