by: Hannah Dearth
To the one that made me a mother, my first child:
Thank you.
You hold a special place in my heart. I know it didn‘t feel like it in the moment, but it was quieter then. Slower even. You taught me to do that, rather, forced me to, “pause”. You forced me to stop and see the big beautiful picture of what matters. In those short days and long nights, we learned this new relationship together.
You helped me to be less selfish. Less focused on me and what is best for me in all situations. As I cared for you through each fever, or missed a moment to go do another diaper change or manage a meltdown, I shifted my focus to the real needs. The real needs that mattered so much more, were those outside of myself.
You taught me I can do hard things. My past doesn’t define me. I am more than that hurt. I can be a good momma. I can work at my dreams or passions and be your example, setting a path for you worth following, if you choose.
You lead me back to Jesus. I developed a deeper understanding of Him. You helped me see how much I needed the love of my heavenly parent and how much I craved that for both of us.
You taught me a deeper meaning to grace. Each time I fell short in patience or in understanding (in falling into believing what everyone says a baby “needs”) and felt not enough, you smiled back at me with so much love, and that reminded me I was doing just fine.
Sweet first child of mine, you saved me. You helped this young momma see the importance of relationships and valuing time together over things or busyness, the gift of each person and what they bring by being themselves, and the deep deep need for Jesus and His grace to fill our hearts and lives.
So, to the one that made me a mother, my first child, thank you. You taught me I could love so much bigger and fuller than I ever imagined.